Was feeling generally quite anxious about everything.
Work. What I'm doing with my life. There seems still to be so many questions and no answers. Or solutions.
But I'm off for the next couple of days and starting to unwind a bit.
Popped into town this morning to fill up with petrol, do some shopping at Sainsburys, have my weekly flat white at a scruffy little cafe. (The flat white is just as good as Monmouth coffee).
Bought a new dressing gown and pjs.
I'm house sitting for the next week or so and am going to take advantage that and of this grey, heavy weather and hibernate.
Is it a bit of Hurricaine Sandy?
Been reading the headlines. Part of me finds the thought of a storm on the Eastern Seaboard thrilling and I would almost like the idea of getting supplies in and seeing it for real, especially in NYC.
I should imagine the reality is very different and it's all very well for me to say that when I'm in the relative safety of England.
Planning to read - a biography of Nigella and 'The Secrets of the Sands' by Sara Sheridan.
Snuggle up. Watch the food network. Drink red wine.
Told the cafe that I'm not going to be able to cook there much longer, due to my full time workplace putting pressure on me to work Saturdays.
In one way it will be a relief - because every week I get really worried about being able to cope and cooking things right.
On the other hand, it has been great experience and on the whole things have gone alright & I've learnt a lot about cooking and pressure.
The irony is that at my other job, we get to do a fair amount of catering - whether it's baking with the residents, cooking lunches or like yesterday, making finger food for a birthday party lunch - and I'm super relaxed and thoroughly enjoy it.
And I know that for some people that could be stressful.
I have suggested that A visit me for a few days whilst I am house sitting.
Would be fabulous, holing up, shutting out the world, it would relax me and I'd love to spend time with him.
He hasn't really committed, sounds vaguely interested, but I am prepared for him letting me down. Disappointment.
Trying not to email him. Said he could come, if he wanted. Trying to leave it at that.
I know I should not be wasting time on someone who seems so unsure about me.
Guess I keep giving him these little chances, but there is a limit to how much I can take and if doesn't take the bit between his teeth, by the end of the year, then that will be it.
Except this time, there will be no ultimatums, as they so don't work.