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Thursday, August 20, 2009

Lady of Leisure

Absolutely loving not working.
Waking when I want is bliss. That anxious feeling has gone. I know I still have to make money and earn a living, but from now on I want to do in in ways that don't make me miserable.

Filling my days, or my last two weeks in London, trying to flog Jimmy Choos, a badminton racquet, books and dvds on gumtree and ebay, seeing friends, reading and wandering around London.

Monday, met C for dinner, at The Ripe Tomato, in Notting Hill. It's a tucked away, small Italian restaurant.
She had been in Cardiff for a few days, so we had a catch up.
I love the food at this restaurant, it's so yummy, I had three courses:

Deep Fried Camembert Wedges
Porcini Mushroom Pasta
Chocolate Pudding with Vanilla Ice cream.

So delicious.
My new food philosophy is to eat one big meal a day and the other two are to be miniscule, i.e. a grapefruit for breakfast and a slice of marmite and toast for dinner. Leaving me to eat what I like during the middle of the day. We shall see if this works or not.

Have been trying to walk everywhere.

Explored Maida Vale on Tuesday. Was struck by how quiet and peaceful the streets were. Strolled along in the sunshine. Wanted to get a better idea of the neighbourhood and where things are in London; how the streets connect. Stopped off at The Elgin, for some nachos for lunch and to read my book. Don't normally go to pubs by myself, but it was very quiet, and there was another girl by herself, eating, so it felt fine.

Reading Mistress of the Game, by Tilly Bagshawe, a sort of follow on from Sidney Sheldon's Master of the Game. Not a patch on that. I didn't care for anyone in the book.

Today, been with my friend J and her toddler son, Z. Went to the sandpit in Queens Park and rather enjoyed it. Children don't give you the option of being detached. You have to join their world and interact. Found it quite sweet.

Met Andy on Wednesday, for coffee in Starbucks. And to say goodbye. In an enjoyable way. Must have been the hottest day of the year.

Walked round Kensington Gardens later in the evening and lay down on the grass to read. Found a golden spot, by the Round Pond, looking straight at Kensington Palace. I will miss London, but as someone pointed out, it has been around for 2000 years, so it's not going anywhere.

Tomorrow, will go to Borough Market for coffee and lunch, then going to a wine tasting later on, with a few friends.

Will be able to phone my sister. She's just been texting tonight to say she screamed the whole way through and the baby is called Isacc.

Aunt Babycakes

My sister had a boy at 8.30 this evening, August 20th!!

Mum rang me to tell me. He was 8 pounds, so quite big and they're both doing fine. Even my dad didn't know, as he was out feeding cattle at another farm. He will get a surprise when he comes home, or perhaps not.
I'm the only one who seems to be shocked!

Haven't spoken to her yet, but have texted. She's in hospital tonight and coming home tomorrow.

I kind of want to know all about the birth, how it was and if it was ok.
I bet she's relieved it's over as she wants to get her figure back and start running.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

My work leaving do.

So. My leaving do. First, a disclaimer.
Totally out of character.
My idea of a good night is dinner, a few friends, good conversation, laughter, one glass of red wine and then being in bed by midnight with a mug of tea and a book.
I always like to wake up feeling relatively fresh and not sick.

Started off nicely on Thursday night, with drinks at The Warrington in Maida Vale. (It used to be a brothel). There were old, new and current work colleagues.
My boss brought us all champagne. We sat outside, at a round table. I was given flowers, a £50 Selfridges voucher and a beautiful necklace of blue and green sea coloured stones - just my thing.

I remember thinking, well this is just right and soon we'll all be dispersing and that will have been a good leaving do.

My boss invited us back to her flat. I said 'yes' because I wasn't too fussed about work the next day. Normally I know I'll get too tired, but on Thursday was feeling more adventurous. Also, my replacement would be doing all the work on the Friday. My last few days were spent saying: 'ok, so you do this and before you print, I'll check it'. Absolute bliss!

I probably shouldn't say too much.
But for me it was a wild night and one that will do me for the next 15 years.

Everything I don't like and disapprove of - I did. Willingly. And I had a huge amount of fun. I remember shrieking with laughter many times. A fantastic night.

I know my work mates see me as old ladyish, slightly, because I'm not a party, bar, club person at all. I don't go to festivals, Ibiza or get drunk.

I snogged a random guy - an architect friend of my boss - who apparently is very well known and has worked on huge projects in London. Everything's patchy. I can remember what I did, just not how I came to do them.
All I know is that kissing him felt amazing and I felt so grateful!
He had soft pliant lips and it was wonderful. Probably because I haven't been kissed in over nine months - and it was so unexpected.
Gave me hope. That if I could just end up kissing a guy one Thursday night, it could happen again.

He asked me out to dinner on Saturday night. I said sorry, but I already have plans. He was nice. I did like him. (My work colleagues pointed out that he was loaded!), as if that should influence my decision! I just couldn't face it. The thought of me getting tarted up, turning up, feeling all nervous, anxious and eager to please. Urgh.

I smoked. I drank. And swigged. Beer & champagne.
Passed out on a bed at some point with one of my work colleagues - who tried it on. I shouted at him 'Shut up and go to sleep'. Repeatedly. He was super frisky and was like an octopus, wriggling out of his clothes and trying to lift up my dress. He got naked at one point.
I felt a part of a work colleague that you probably shouldn't ever feel.

Danced with my boss. Furiously, strutting across her living room of her two bed in Marylebone.
We somehow ended up doing this little dance routine. I never do this. I'm so not comfortable doing any kind of dance with anyone. It makes me feel silly and arkward, but somehow I was really into it and I remember her being amazed that I could dance. I absolutely loved doing it and felt like I could dance all night. I think it was Beyonce. Something about it being 11.30pm and the club was...

Which brings me to the reason I probably felt like that.
My boss and work colleague offered me something I've never been offered before and I wanted to try it.
So I did.

Left her flat at 6.30am, to catch the tube at Baker Street back to my place for a shower.

Turned up at work at 9.30am, which I thought was an admirable effort.
I felt about 90 years old. However did revive somewhat during the day and was quite proud of my stamina.
I will miss my work colleagues.

FREE AT LAST

I'm a free woman and it's feels wonderful.
Was smiling all day yesterday and already feel the weight rolling off my back.
Met with C in Wimbledon on Saturday afternoon. We went for a walk on the Common, then stopped in the Village for coffee and we shared a chocolate mousse. Sat at a cafe on the pavement, in the sunshine, people watching and chatting.
Visited Claire's new house in Earlsfield. Sat in the garden, sipping tea and stroking next door's kitten.
Got an Indian take away.
Then went to watch Coco Before Chanel.

Today, up early. Walked across the park to Hyde Park Corner to meet my second oldest friend, C and her two young children. We caught a tour bus and did the sights, getting off at Buckingham Palace and Hamleys on Regent Street.
There were tantrums and teddy bears but I rather enjoyed it.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Five days to go

Seems to be on Sundays I start getting all anxious about the week ahead and work.
I'm worried about being at work, training the new girl, with my boss hanging around. She's been away last week when my replacement started. I just think she will interfere too much and generally be a pain in the neck.
How long will my successor work there? She's keen to have a job and the experience, but I wonder how she will put up with my boss. Will be interesting. My boss doesn't have a good track record and there's already one person who's tried to take her to a tribunal.


It's only five measly days that I've got left.
I loathe Sunday evenings.
Eaten so much and complete rubbish.
Not even hungry and don't really have cravings, just it's soothing.
Started off with a hazlenut croissant from Patisserie Valerie in Queensway and ended up with fries and mozarella sticks from the Mcdonalds at the other end of Queensway.
Shocking what I've eaten today; all sugar, white carbs and junk.
I just hope when I finish, that everything will be better and I won't be as wound up.
Been to see 'The Ugly Truth'. It was only ok. Neither of the characters were particularly likeable.
Read 'Eagle in the Sky', another Wilbur Smith book.

Planning to go back packing round Europe for a month in September!

Weekend blues

Dinner last night at A's down in Wimbledon. Four of us. Goat's cheese salad for starters, followed by salmon, mash, mange tout and peppers. Expresso and Lindt chocolates to finish.
We drank prossecco with cassis liqueur - a dash of.
Very good. Nice idea to share a box of (small) chocolates for pudding, so you get about four each, better than a big spongey, creamy affair.

Was in the doldrums for most of yesterday. Have nothing I want to read. Perhaps I should go to Borders and find something. Did manage to run. Did none of the organising my move stuff that I could have done. Felt the lack of a man keenly. And felt hopeless about it. I feel like I have no options. Hemmed in. As much as I long for the 1-2 men in my past to reconnect with me and pay me some/more attention, I know it's a dead horse, but I can't bear the thought of anyone new and unfamilar and don't want to get out there and meet someone. Perhaps later on in the year when I'm travelling. Maybe things will change and I will actually be back in to the land of men. I may as well live in a hareem these days.

Today is going to be similar. Just feel like eating, reading and watching films. And mooching. It's so sunny should go to the park at least.

Dreading my last five days at work. My boss is back from her hols and no doubt will spend most of Monday reasserting her position in the office. She reminds me vaguely of Margaret Tate in the Proposal.

Been training my replacement. She is the most beautiful blonde girl. Tall, deeply tanned, very slim, athletic, a mane of thick golden hair. The longest, thickest eyelashes drowned in mascara and such deep brown eyes. We were walking down the street together and all these men did double takes. She's more confident than I was when I started. I was nervous, apologetic about everything and constantly harrassed and miserable. She's laid back. She has a boyfriend. An i phone. She was in Australia till June. I thought, why couldn't I have been like that when I was 25? Or 30 even!
I like her anyway. She's a Surrey girl, and doesn't have any airs or graces. She's refreshingly normal.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Mothers and emails

I do love my mum's rare emails. They always amuse me, so here is one:



Subject: Hilary Strikes Again
Dear Rebecca,
Decided to worm the cats on Wednesday. Dad held Eric and I managed to get atablet down her throat.Paul and Dad held Hilary in abag with great difficulty and I managed to get a tablet into him but got bitten in the process. Had to repair to the house for t.c.p. and elastoplast. Later in the day I found a heap of sick in the stable with atablet in it. Later I found another heap of sick with another tablet in it.The Whole thing had been a waste of time. I have now got some spot on from the vets which I hope will be more successful!
Sally has scanned in foal. The foal is due on 30th May so might arrive on my birthday.
Traveller is looking well and losing his baby fur .Ithink he will probably be the same colour asDizzy.
We are going to Catherine's wedding to morrow so it should be a nice day
Love from Mum


Note the gender confusion going on with our cats.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

July 2009

Copied this idea from: Ramblings of a Fab Brunette.
Thought it was a good way of summing up a month.

What I Read:

Monsoon - Wilbur Smith
The Sunbird - Wilbur Smith
Blue Horizon - Wilbur Smith
Triump of the Sun - Wilbur Smith

I sense a pattern here.

Music:

Maria Callas
Amy Winehouse

What I Ate:
home made smoothies
vegetarian cocktail sausages
grilled portabello mushrooms with goats cheese
tuna salads for lunch from mediterranean cafe in Marylebone
chocolate birthday cake
toast and marmite
Spanish tapas on Old Brompton Road


Best Movies I Watched:
The Hangover - never thought I'd find a movie about alchohol and boys on a stag night quite so amusing
Scarface on dvd - I should hate it; guns, blood, violence, drugs, but found it interesting and compelling


What I Did:
Handed in my notice at work
Started planning my new life
Started running again

Overall Mood:
Busy
Tired
Excited
Strangely satisfied